Spartan Brno through the eyes of a competitor
by Jiří Novák • Jun 26th, 2023

Spartan Brno: report from a competitor's point of view

On the last weekend of June, Spartan visited Brno for the second time, namely the Masaryk circuit. When it was first introduced this weekend, there were all kinds of reactions, some excited, some laughing, but the truth was that it was a brand new location that none of us could know exactly what to expect. But the wait is over and the Trifecta weekend has sprung up as fast as the various machines are racing around the circuit, so let's see what it was like there.

I didn't participate until Sunday's Beast, so from Saturday I received quite a lot of stories and gossip about what will be waiting for us there. As soon as I entered the circuit area, I had a strange feeling, as if I wasn't even going to Spartan. I'm more and more curious. At first glance, the festival is very compact, even with a finish and start corridor. Another thing that caught my attention is the very tempting looking burgers, which I can now indulge my appetite for as much as possible. But whatever, a banana is good too.

Let's go to the start. Even before we run out, it is clear at first glance that the builders have made full use of the natural stands, and a few meters of height are collected here like nothing. We're running out! And immediately up, down, up, down... quite a pleasant warm-up. Although the term "warming up" in this weather is a bit misleading. The stage gangsters already announced that the race has 32 obstacles and the 33rd will be the sun. Well, I would rather say that the M race will turn it into an L race. In my case, more like an XL, because I have a Tom and Jerry relationship with the summer weather.

Quite unusual among the first obstacles is the Bucket carry, or buckets and again along the grandstand. We have to climb high stairs, which we, who don't have the longest legs, quite enjoy. Fortunately, we are already going up the normal stairs. Anyway, otherwise I, or the bucket, would end up stupid.

Here comes one of the original ideas of this weekend - running the sign AROO across the stands. I'll admit that by the end I felt like a bit of a jerk, as I kept running up and down, but the idea is perfect, it has to be left! It was also perfect that my hands were left greasy after I thoroughly lubricated myself with Strong Power before the race, so I went to the ground on the Monkey bar on the first pole. How I ended up with Beatera is probably not worth saying. So, for next time, don't be stupid and properly degrease your hands.

I cook like Mrs. Pivrncová's sausages and I think that if it were 10-15 °C lower, it would be ideal for me. But then again, it's good to remember that it's only been a few days since strong storms swept through our territory, so let's be glad it turned out this way. After all, not everyone collapses when it's over 20°C like me. My meteorological polemic will be interrupted only by the Memory test. As silent as the grave, everyone silently repeats their code and somehow subconsciously waits for some prankster to appear and throw a pitchfork into it, as usually happens.

We run, fortunately mostly through the forest, where there is shade and sometimes a pleasant wind. I run mostly in the style of an Indian coming back from a stroke - 400 meters run and 100 meters to get together. This is how we reached Prýgl. Unfortunately, we're not going into the water (but at the festival I heard a little guy in a tree talking about how it wasn't the will of the organizers, so they'll be innocent), which I'd take all ten now. Well, there's nothing to do but to cool off by looking at the water (it doesn't work), turn it around and start the second half of the race. The next in line is the Invert wall, but it is damaged, so we are not allowed on it. Although at least half of its length would have been usable, but considering safety, discarding it was definitely the right decision. I remembered how the wind once blew away this wall on the Long Slopes. Poor obstacle, it's not easy either.

This was followed by another long running section, sometimes peppered with some kind of obstacle, which probably makes no sense to comment in any detail. The real fun came on the last stretch, where there was literally a whirlwind of obstacles. Sandbag carry was absolutely significant. And again on the stand. It was really alive on the circuit, over the rumble of the motorbikes you couldn't even hear the rattling around and that here it was holding on to 106! We go around the shape of the helmet, so up and down again. Couldn't Spartan have something simpler in its emblem?

But there was a bonus at the end of the helmet - under the barbed wire and with a bag. Great, now what? A bit of chaos in the beginning before everyone found their style. And everyone seemed to have their own. I first tried to break my fingernails. But I have a limited number of nails, so a change of strategy to rolling the bag + me in the position of my hated crab. That was better. If you want to make something "pleasant" for someone (like me, crayfish), give them something even worse to make them forget about the unpleasantness. A very effective method that I like to use myself. We are at the end! Hurrah! I throw the bag on my shoulder with such joy that it almost outweighed me and I was very close to being on my back on a barbed wire. So let's calm down again. When I found out whose idea it was, I had no choice but to laugh heartily. It didn't surprise me at all. And I know, I'm fine. Next time you could, I'd rather shut up or you'll actually do it.

My head beats like a subwoofer at a techno party, my legs weigh about half a ton (each) and in this state there really aren't many obstacles. The only thing that worked again was the spear. Well, well! Looks like I finally got the hang of it after 10 years of racing. So if anyone reading this is still struggling and frustrated, don't give up! Wait a few more years, it will come!

I'm at the finish line. Glory! After 19 kilometers of gentle boiling came 4 kilometers of intense grilling and I feel that I am just about right... Finished, but if I were to be honest with myself, I would comment about it like in combat sports. He got a TKO from the sun early in the third round. Leaving aside my love of high temperatures, I have to admit that it was a very successful and original race. I was reminded of the words of a former member of Spartan leadership who stated, "It's easy to make a race hard, but it's difficult to make a race interesting." Dear track architects and builders, this race was really very interesting! And I say that without any irony. Very nice track!

So we should! I'm finally going to have that burger and then completely cover myself with after-sun milk and I'm already really looking forward to Brno next year - the weekend was already announced during the races and I'm sure I won't be the only one who was very happy with the news. But now we have before us the peak of the season for many of us - the Ultra weekend in the legendary Kouty. I don't know if I'm more excited or scared. Anyway - see you there!

Spartan Brno 2023 report

Jiří Novák - race reporter

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